At the Crossroads

"This is what the LORD says:
'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Jeremiah 1:16a)

We are standing at a crossroad, again. The bank said they wouldn't loan on the house we had chosen. So we are once again wondering if we are buying or renting.

"Stand at the crossroads and look." Look at the options. Stand still for a moment and look. Don't just blunder on through. Pause. Observe.

"Ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is." What has God done in the past? What do godly people do in this situation? What do your trusted friends and family say? One person tells us to not buy a house because Jesus is returning soon. Others say that this is a great time in this economy to be a buyer. Ask for advice. Look around at what God's people are doing.

Now "walk in it." Take a step. Make a move. Try something and see. Follow good advice. Don't keep throwing a stick in the air, waiting for it to point the way you want to go. And don't be like the people in the end of this verse, who say, "We will not walk in it."

"And you will find rest for your souls." Peace. Deep down in your soul, peace. Peace that passes understanding.

Baby pictures

I could talk about the loss of the picket fence we were looking to buy... but I'm not ready yet.

Instead, let me show you pictures of the baby. They do 3-D pictures in the womb, and these are amazing to me. You can see the little guy's arms and legs and nose and chin. He looks like an old man to me! Or maybe a monkey...

But I'm sure he's a baby. Pretty sure.

We were sort of hoping for a pony.

Girls' Weekend

Chick flicks, shopping, brownies, pizza, Chinese takeout, more shopping, and talk, talk, talk, talk - all add up to a really fun girls' weekend with my prego daughter. We bought maternity shirts and baby boy clothes and tiny little hats. We made a list of what qualities she wants in a man, and prioritized them. That was fun!

On another note, I love seeing God at work in the timing of our lives.

Last January, Michele decided to take a semester off of school. We really thought that was a mistake, but it's her choice. Yesterday, our mortgage officer said that because she still has two years until she has to repay them, we are still a good risk for the mortgage we want! If she hadn't taken that semester off, those loans would be due sooner. And we might not buy a house.

We still might not buy a house, but I'm seeing an awful lot of God's hand in this, and I think just maybe, He wants us to buy the picket fence.

What if...

When Amanda was little, really little, she used to worry a lot about what if's. And to the rest of us, most of them were funny.
"What if an eagle came down and picked up our car and carried us away?"
"What if the color blue is really evil and anyone wearing it goes to hell?"
But she was serious.

Two weeks ago, the ultrasound technician casually asked, "Are there any birth defects that run in your family?" Probably all she meant was, "Is there anything you would like me to look for?" But I heard, "I see something potentially awful and I want to know if you know."

So I've waited two weeks for Amanda to go back to the doctor. I didn't say much about it to anyone, but God and I talked a lot. What if... ? What if this baby has something wrong with him? What if the technician saw something awful?

Today, Amanda went for her checkup. Everything looks fine. Normal. That's no guarantee, but it's reassuring.

On the other hand, I know that whoever this little guy is, however he is made, is exactly, precisely the way God intended him to be. He is wonderfully made. And God knows our little grandson, who he is, who he will be, all of it, now. In the womb. Before any of it has happened. While he floats around and kicks his mama, God knows him and loves him.

Psalm 139:13-18
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you."

The picket fence

Since we moved back from China, three years ago, we have had the Great Debate going on at our house. It ranges from, "Look! A job opening in Nepal!" to "Look! A cute house with a picket fence!" And each spring, we wondered what the next school year was supposed to hold.

Now I have a full-time job I like. So does Garry. Amanda is living with us and working part-time, which is just right for a single-mom-to-be. And yes, there is a little boy on his way to our home in 19 short weeks. So we feel like the answer is pretty clear: stay put.

There is a mourning, a giving up, that happens with any decision you make. You always have to say no to the other thing. That's what we're doing: saying no to living overseas, at least for a few years, and saying yes to the picket fence.


Song of the day:
"What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face, the One who saved me by His grace!
When He takes me by the hand and leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day, that will be!
There'll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no more pain,
No more parting over there.
But forever I will be with the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day, that will be!"
--James Hill (1955)

Every fall, I miss BeiDaiHe.

As soon as the weather starts to get just a little cooler, rather than thoughts of leaves changing colors or pumpkins, my mind turns to BeiDaiHe. Literally, that means North Dai River and is pronounced "Bay-Die-Huh." It's a little resort town on the northern China coast.

We used to go there every fall with our team. The first year, I was amazed that there was such a place in China, where the skies were blue and the air fresh and they had TREES! The contrast to our home city was such that I fell in love with BeiDaiHe. If I had been living in Oregon or Washington at the time, then it wouldn't have made such an impression on me, I'm sure.

The accommodations were just average. The beds were hard, the toilet leaked, and the hot water was only turned on for a couple hours each morning and evening. But there was this amazing porch overlooking a restaurant and the ocean, and we could sit out there and play cards or read. And the beach came with cheap seats and umbrellas, and lovely, warm, soft sand. AND it was a private beach, so it wasn't crowded.

The food was good, too. We ate tons of shrimp and french fries for lunch and dinner, and egg and tomato with bing (like a burrito) for breakfast. We took walks to the nearby wholesale shopping mall and bought cheap pearls.

But the very best part was the team. Going on vacation with your team is a wonderful way to really get to know people. We had meetings and singing and team-building exercises (ok, so those weren't my fave, but they were fun anyway). There was a baptism in the ocean. It wasn't all perfect, but it was good. Really good.

The team is really what made the entire China experience bearable. I can't imagine being there alone, like so many of the early pioneers were. But even Eric Liddell sent his family to BeiDaiHe in the summer, to escape the oppressive heat of Tianjin! So we were in good company.

Sadly, I hear the team isn't going this year. What a shame.

It's August 1st. We move on Saturday the 8th. Moving truck, cleaning the old place, handing over the keys. I like the old place. The new one is pretty nice, too. It's smaller, with a definite spare room that no one would want to live in but could visit for a few days in. I'm looking forward to the snow that they get and keep most of the winter. I've never lived with that before. I'm not looking forward to finding a new church and job and routine, figuring out where to get the car fixed, where to get haircuts, all that. Can I go to the Sheritan in Tianjin instead? I like that idea.

Mind you, I don't want to live in the smog and traffic and smells and crowds. I don't want to ride trains and taxis. I don't want to struggle to communicate every day.

But I would like to take Chinese classes. I would like to experience the enthusiasm of the Chinese college students. I would like to see Kristen and Renee and Marilyn and Audrey and Geri and Phoebe and a dozen other people any time I want to. I would like to go out for pastries with the ladies. I would like to work in the library. I would like to stop at the Korean restaurant to pick up dinner, or call Sisters or the Pizza Box. I would like my weekly massage and monthly pedicure, cheap. I would like to take my mending pile to a nice lady who won't charge me much for fixing zippers and tears.
I don't want utility bill collectors tromping through my kitchen. I don't want heater-fixing men laying on my bed. I don't want the extreme heat of summer, nor the biting cold of winter. I don't want to miss stars and rainbows and donuts and sweet corn.

But I would like to go to International Day at the school. I would like to go to Beijing at Christmas and Bei Dai He in the fall. I would like to walk through the night market and smell the popcorn and sweet potatoes. I would like to stop and get yang rou chuan (lamb kebabs cooked outside) and then a Magnum ice cream bar from the Best Store.

Can't I just have it all??

Heaven is going to be so good.