Monday, July 11, 2011

What if...

When Amanda was little, really little, she used to worry a lot about what if's. And to the rest of us, most of them were funny.
"What if an eagle came down and picked up our car and carried us away?"
"What if the color blue is really evil and anyone wearing it goes to hell?"
But she was serious.

Two weeks ago, the ultrasound technician casually asked, "Are there any birth defects that run in your family?" Probably all she meant was, "Is there anything you would like me to look for?" But I heard, "I see something potentially awful and I want to know if you know."

So I've waited two weeks for Amanda to go back to the doctor. I didn't say much about it to anyone, but God and I talked a lot. What if... ? What if this baby has something wrong with him? What if the technician saw something awful?

Today, Amanda went for her checkup. Everything looks fine. Normal. That's no guarantee, but it's reassuring.

On the other hand, I know that whoever this little guy is, however he is made, is exactly, precisely the way God intended him to be. He is wonderfully made. And God knows our little grandson, who he is, who he will be, all of it, now. In the womb. Before any of it has happened. While he floats around and kicks his mama, God knows him and loves him.

Psalm 139:13-18
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you."


Janet said...

Beautifully put! I know he will be perfect in every way, just as God intended! Can't wait to meet him :) Love you guys!

p&k said...

Takes me back to Moyer . . . our experience with his "likelihood" of having Downs, and the subsequent "genetic counseling" session, and the offer of testing by way of amniocentesis . . . it was a tad overwhelming, and I did A LOT more worrying than was necessary.

But of course I did!

And I completely relate to whey that "casual" question by the tech would put you a little on edge too!

Many times I'd said we would have been better off not knowing of the "possibility" . . . but in the end it was best for us to walk through the "what if."

And to KNOW, like you do, that he is perfectly made.